When I fall in love with my female character and my thoughts are overwhelmed by what I’ll have her do next, I know I’ve at least drawn my interest. But what about the reader?
I’ve met ladies like the one in the image. My time in the east was rewarded with ample time to converse with women that captured my heart and imagination. They came from all walks of life and each had one common trait; they were not afraid to look into my eyes and determine my intent. I liked that.
I try to write sensual female characters such as Faith in the excerpt from, Return of Dragons – Origins. I insert my own male point of view and draw from past experiences but what about my female readers? Introductions don’t have the same impact. A woman might be interested in the male perspective but may not be so interested in the female character.
Character introductions should suit a specific intent not just describe hair, eyes, clothes. We see lots of hair, eyes, and clothes on the street but what interests us in a particular person versus all those others. This gets to the psychology of how people of both genders notice others and has to do with the motives of the moment.
In the below paragraphs, I attempt to show Faith in a way that explains the male character’s interest in her. He wants her. She is mysterious and alluring to him. This leads to the rest of the story. What would you do to make this generally appealing to both sexes and a wider age group of readers?
Red lips framed pearlescent teeth in a smile perched on an upturned face. Faith’s hair was tied in a ponytail that danced between outstretched arms. The mist caught the light breaking through the branches of rain-kissed pines casting a glow on the skin of her face, arms, and legs like a candle under a burning wick.
And later. . .
On the balcony of a hotel in Singapore, we overlooked buildings of steel and glass. The sky dappled with dim sum-like clouds reflected in every panel against a backdrop of the bay full of all types of ships. She looked out over the city and leaned against the railing as she talked.
The graceful curves of her waist set under a slight arch in her back flaring up to straight shoulders and sloping down and out to tight hips emphasized her body. She was sleek like a mountain lion and her movements, though graceful, always seemed like a well-trained predator. It was this predatory grace that intrigued me and made me hunger to join her for whatever it was she hunted.
The light of day bathed her in a glow showing her body through the fabric of her shirt. The nightshirt was too short to cover her, exposing her raw sensuality to me as she spoke. I sat mesmerized by her comfort at letting me take in her strength and beauty as she took me on this journey of indoctrination into an insular society that hid in plain sight.
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