I like words because they can contain… fantasies.

James Lusarde, The Train of Arousal
Image Source: Pinterest
Confessionals and Currency
Sheer scarves cover
a bedside lamp
as night slips in on tiger paws
the swaying beams of a velvet
moon drift through veils of lilac tulle
Her eggshell limbs are caught
in binds, her breasts alert gazelles
she is the red of womanhood
her eyes the shade of currency
Her mind is his confessional
and there is no sin grave enough
By Holly Rene Hunter 

Bus Stop

A bobcat prowled in the shifting shadows between moonbeams of silver light. He stopped to watch the window where light glowed behind the lace curtains casting a lavender hue that interested him. Only here could he see such things. Ears twitched to locate the unwary mouse in the dry grass and he forgot the den of humans to seek out his meal on quiet paws. As the wildcat crept toward the rustling sound across the backyard of the house, the wind chanted like Tibetan Monks through the upper branches of tall pines giving the trees the look and sound of sentient beings lumbering down an illuminated path. Long shadows leapt forward and back to keep time with the changing wind.

Inside the bedroom, the lumbering giants outside cast ghostly shapes against the tulle curtains. A lamp in the opposite corner burned a single bulb under a faded red scarf thrown over the lampshade to paint the room in hues of sunrise and allay Kara’s fear of the dark. She rested on her side and watched the shadows dance across the curtains. 

Somewhere a bobcat growled setting the dogs on edge. 

Viktor placed his arm over Kara, moved closer and pressed his hips against her. She opened her legs to accommodate his thigh pressing between her legs. She felt safe now. She always felt safe with Viktor. She had practically grown up in his protective shadow. Sleep tried to intrude on her fantasy, a waking dream that begged Viktor to make love to her in wanton ways when she was barely out of school. Why had they waited? And, why had she pursued him all those years, especially when he went away to college? Obsessions die long hard deaths, she thought. Oh, what we won’t do for love? Whoever came up with that was someone that understood love’s obsessions.

“Can’t sleep, babe?” Viktor whispered against the back of her neck. A quivering chill raced down Kara’s shoulders and spine.

Kara arched her lower back to press harder against Viktor. “I was just thinking about when I first fell in love with you and how long it took you to wrestle my virginity away from me.”

“It’s 3:00 am Honey. How do you think about such things so early?”

Kara rolled over and slipped on top of his hips, covering him with long strands of hair spilling down from her head. She rested her forehead on his, staring deep in his amused eyes while teasing his lips with hers. “It’s easy when my husband gets so aroused by me. I can’t think of anything else.” Kara rocked her hips slowly while she watched his face. There, good boy. His, I want you, was direct, to the point, decisive, and she gave him what he wanted when he wanted it because, she wanted it too. Ha, my mind is full of giving in so carelessly. She often felt Viktor gave more than he got from her. Not now though. She was in charge of his wants.

The Bobcat screeched a warning and disappeared in the wood line.

***

Seven Years Earlier

It was bitter cold at the bus stop. Kara had left her coat for her mother to go on a job interview. They needed the money since her father died last spring. She wore a wool sweater and kept her hands in her jean pockets but the cold wind still cut through her. She shivered a few feet away from Viktor hoping he would block some of the wind. She also wanted to stay as far away from those other boys as possible. She was sick of them picking on her. She didn’t need them to remind her that she was sixteen and didn’t have boobs yet. She cringed when she thought about her legs being so thin and her knees looking like softballs perched on baseball bats. She wanted a full bust and round butt like her friend Becky and all she had was a bag of knobby bones to work with.

A snowball slammed into the side of Kara’s face and the gang of boys burst into laughter. It wouldn’t stop until she could lock herself in her room after school. From her glance through disheveled hair, she could see Viktor looking over at her as she shivered as much from the cold as from the shock of being hit in the face with ice. She tried to hide her shame and misery from him.

“You nitwits cut it out or I’ll nail your nuts to the tree.” 

No one argued with Viktor. He was a senior on the football team. He was also the team leader for the wrestling team and had never lost a match in three years. His threat instantly shut down the jovial mood Kara’s tormentors always enjoyed at her expense. He walked up to her and all she wanted was to keep to herself. She was at the bus stop every day and still, he didn’t know her name.

“Are you okay? You look like you are freezing to death.”

Kara, humiliated, could only look down and turn her head. She felt enveloped in Viktor’s jacket as his arm folded across her neck and pulled her against his chest. He zipped her skinny frame inside with only her face peeking out at the neck and oh, my god, frozen on her lips. Viktor brushed the snow out of her hair and then rubbed her back briskly. Kara’s legs felt weak. The stunned juvies turned away to avoid being witnesses to this strange act of cootie-girl rescue.

Warmth enveloped Kara and she instinctively wrapped her arms around Viktor and held herself as close as she could get. He smelled good. Something slithered in the saurian lake of her feminine subconscious. Urges came unbidden to her. She wanted to attach herself to Viktor and never leave his side.

“Thank you, Viktor, but why?” Kara said to his chin.

“In my country, we do not let girls get treated in such a way. You remind me of my Little Sparrow. I will not let these boys bother you anymore,” Viktor vowed.

Growing strangely comfortable with Viktor, Kara asked, “Who was Little Sparrow, your sister?”

“No. She was my neighbor’s daughter. I walked her to school each day until the war came. The anarchists came and took her away. They left only her bones for us to bury.” Viktor clenched his jaw and Kara felt him tense. She had no words. She could not imagine such things. “I’m sorry,” was all she could get out.

In the silence between the rise and fall of their breath and the beat of hearts, Kara heard herself ask, “Can I be your Little Sparrow?”

Viktor smiled with wet eyes glistening and cleared a dry throat to choke something down that threatened him with remembrances better forgotten. Kara placed her cheek against his chest and squeezed harder to comfort him. She felt his hand rub her back like one soothes a child. She accepted it. She would take whatever morsel of attention he would give her.

The bus roared up and slung open the door breaking the quiet moment between them. Viktor opened his jacket and followed Kara on the bus. She sat and looked up in his face and studied his dark eyes and mouth in a way she never had before. Her hand patted the seat cushion next to her to invite him to sit with her. Becky was waiting for Kara and slid in front of Viktor, looked up at him and said hi, before jumping in next to Kara.

“Kara, you are never going to guess who just asked me to prom. Go ahead just guess.” Becky’s fingernails dug into Kara’s arm and she shook the poor girl like a candy machine that took her money and didn’t deliver the treat. Kara looked past Becky for Viktor. He sat at the back of the bus looking at his notebook. Becky stared at Kara. “What’s wrong with you? I bring you the most important news in my entire life and you just look around like I’m not even here,” Becky huffed.

“I’m sorry Becky. I’m so dizzy, I can’t think.”

“Did you get yourself knocked up Kara?”

“Oh God no, Becky. Stop.”

“Jerry asked me to the Prom and he wants me to stay out all night at a barn party.”

“Jerry McKnight?”

“The one and only,” Becky cooed.

“You’re going to get knocked up long before I do if you are going out with him,” Kara said with barely veiled sarcasm before she put her head in her hands and willed herself to go deaf.

Becky tried to stifle a lewd grin and decided to leave Kara to her jealous misery.

To be continued. . .

41 thoughts on “Midnight Confessions

  1. Rene really killed it with her poem! She is a word-weaving goddess – good poets use interesting words, but not just that, they are strong and well-placed and make the reader FEEL the poet’s emotions and intent. The sound and the look of words, the fresh imagery, is what makes a poem memorable, at least for me.

    “The most important news in my entire life” – Becky is so dramatic! Every gal has a friend like that. And I also had a friend just like Becky with all the curves! I enjoyed this even more so because I could see myself in it – that is, the lack of boobage, haha! And now here I go ranting. My fella once told me he’s an ass man all the way but just the other day I checked out who he follows on Instagram and guess what? It’s a small number of people he knows and probably 60% is big titty Instagram models and even the name of the accounts are specifically all about big boobs only LOL. I guess if you can’t have the real thing you got to fantasize somehow, somewhere. And tell your lady you’re an ass man to make her feel better. It’s a little disheartening because he has said time and again how much he hates “fake” looking women. And yet the majority of those boobalicious babes have obvious plastic surgery not just with the tatas but mega injected lips, filtered everything, etc. I understand how men are visual creatures and enjoy a good fantasy, and I also understand there are people who find this look genuinely attractive, and of course women should feel free to look how they want and do what they want with their bods. But I can’t help but wonder if most of what’s out there currently is training dudes to have unrealistic expectations.

    Back to your piece – I don’t know how you get into the mind of a young woman but you do it with ease and sexiness. This is the beginning of a piece I’d love to continue reading and see how Little Sparrow and Viktor grow.

    When I was younger I used to have a colorful scarf over my bedroom lamp for the same effect – now I just use colored lightbulbs. Right now it’s green to give a sense of alien X-Files eeriness. The truth is out there…in my bedroom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You really do inspire me Lauren. I’m so glad the story resonates in some way with you. I think feeling any part of a writer or poet’s work is the reward for the effort. Rene’s poem was what sparked my Head Elves’ rascally imagination to do this story and for all the reasons you list. She was one of the first people I followed when I started blogging in 2013 and it probably wasn’t too long after that when your gym story made me laugh in how you described the scene and I instantly became a fanatic follower. Real talent mesmerizes me, inspires me, and keeps me in the game. I also appreciate the blogoteer Friendships that have evolved.

      I have kept this battle of the boobage in my mind for many years. I can’t speak for anyone but myself and how I feel doesn’t follow the crowd on any main topic. I think you hit it right in the bullseye. The training of unreal expectation has literally changed or psyche until we don’t even realize what has happened or why we feel the way we do. I believe men and marketing drive women to value themselves against a false narrative and men also believe that false narrative. The bombardment is unrelenting and there is money in it for all who wish to exploit this expectation. I say rock on with your bad self, because you are the total prize Lauren. You aren’t going to fade in glory because you are the real deal. Fantasy has a way of evaporating but the lady we come home to should always be we male hominids’ dream come true. Let’s value that lady that thinks enough of us to be with us to share our lives together. She is always far more than the image of a stressed sweater.

      I will likely finish this short novella about Kara and Viktor after we finish up with the Dragon Tale and then revisit The Agony of Ecstasy. I needed some serious rewriting but let that stop me and probably that was a mistake. So you might get a chance to finish that one too before too long. Since my walk about has been postponed and the boys are leaving without me, I decided to jump back in and wrap these stories up.

      And you totally crack me up with your green lightbulb. The truth is out there…in your bedroom. 😆. See, that is why you are awesome to the max. Your wit and humor is First Class.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, Hyp. You have some solid fans on here so that has got to feel pretty good. 🙂
        I’ve been lazy on WP not really seeking out others or being an active reader. I have a few favorites, obviously you made the cut! 😉 Most of my other favorites over the years just vanished into thin air, never to be seen on WP again. I’m thrilled to have made you laugh. I strive to make readers laugh with many of my posts, finding humor in the mundane. The friends I have made on here are super talented and also give me the boost of inspiration and confidence I need to keep on keepin’ on.

        You’re a boobie rebel! The thirst for likes is insatiable. Seeing such highly sexualized images of the same kind validated online gives an indication that the beauty ideals displayed, liked and commented on by zillions, are normal and socially desirable. Prior to social media, people were concerned that beauty ideals were being warped by the distribution of models and actresses via mass media – the argument was that if women could see images of other “regular” everyday women, it would solve the problem. Now what we see are many more images of real people on the internet, but the concerns are the same. So many live to be looked at and liked. It’s hard to see a solution to this problem but I’m thankful that guys like you still exist and encourage us to stay uniquely US. 😀 Thank you!

        That’s good news, I was hoping we’d see more of Kara and Viktor eventually. Though it must be hard to stay home, we are lucky to have you entertaining us that much longer.

        LOL I think there’s an alien under my bed…;)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. 😁I have a visual of some Alf the aardvark looking alien under your bed that tries to engage in conversation at all the wrong times. Another story comes to mind through that muse. I can see you popping awake to the tune of banana phone coming out from under the bed when a minion like voice says, Scuse me Lauren, I’m getting a call from Alpha Centauri….Hello…”. I know precisely how my Boobie rebellion started. And it was a multiplicity of things that basically boiled down to the fact that I’m a deep introvert who loves people indiscriminately in small numbers and can access both sides of my brain simultaneously. This makes me a very weird individual in thought and deed. I am that person that knows there are 1000 flavors of ice cream and it is unthinkable for me not to try to taste them all. I’m very much misunderstood by the vanilla only crowd. I will say that the most intelligent, passionate, and desirable women I have met, and over a lifetime, loved deeply were a small count of women that did not fit in the fashion or beauty framework. They had to like different flavors too if they were going to like me. Of course, I never ever had any expectation of reciprocal admiration but when it clicked, it was magic. How could I ever be fooled by that high maintenance and very expensive daily transformation women must go through to get back into that framework life demands of them? Instead, I woke up in a stand of Aspens on the edge of a brook and my girl woke up beside me. We caught brook trout for breakfast and she cooked them while I did camp maintenance, gathered water, and chopped more firewood. She never worried about putting on make up, doing her hair and nails, and to me she was the most beautiful person on earth. That isn’t to say we went out with friends smelling like a campfire with wild Sasquatch hair. She was a very strong, fit, feminine woman and her life never once depended on her cleavage. This was my ideal lady but everyone is different so my point would be if she is with someone who shares her life and she is happy, all that image building becomes background noise. It’s not irrelevant, but it should never stop us from being exactly who we are and loving it and it really shouldn’t be tied to relationships either. It’s just that if we desire relationships, it’s better if a person can understand who we really are under our many coats of social grace. In my case that severely limits the field and anyone left is a perfect match. (I’m long retired from my hunter, gatherer phase of relationships but connections to good friends follow the same basic rules)

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Haha! The return of the banana phone. That is fantastic. Wolfgang also sleeps on the bed probably 70% of the day, so I’m sure he’d be amused.

            Stay weird, please! Love the ice cream analogy. 😃 I enjoyed hearing about your ideal lady and can totally picture you two out in the wilderness, loving life and one another. You make some great points, I know when I was much younger I often changed a lot of myself to please my partner’s tastes, and that never worked out too well. In my current relationship we are still struggling to understand one another due to our extremely different backgrounds. I’m not convinced we’re a perfect match just yet but I’m going to give it a little more time.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. It holds my interest. Speaking of foreboding, the introduction of the Little Sparrow and Kara asking, “Can I be your Little Sparrow?” knowing the original Little Sparrow was murdered… gave me a chill.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dang it! Hit the send button a little soon. We can see that Kara and Viktor are still together but we get hints of their togetherness being a long time coming so the story is really about how Kara quickly becomes a girl that will endure a lot to hold onto Viktor. And yes, asking to be next in line comes with all kinds of strings attached.

      Like

  3. Well, I for one am enthralled.
    Holly’s poem is perfect.
    I know this will sound a bit senseless here, but the image of scarves over a lamp make me think about Jimi Hendrix. He used scarves everywhere in his life.
    Anyway, the story is coming along super.
    Thank you so much. It’s a joy to read your work!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Resa. I do appreciate your company and comments over here in the Dragon’s den. I really enjoyed Jimi Hendrix’s music. He was another super star who left us far too soon. I remember the scarves he wore around his neck and I even tried to copy cat him but I certainly didn’t have the cool points to pull it off. Still, it was fun to try.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It seems the Dragon’s den is flourishing!
        Loving this story!
        Holly and I are onto another Art Gowns, Rene Rosso, Princess Blue Holly tale.
        There will be an evil corporate polluter who turns the Art Gowns models into abstract paintings, for his own private collection and enjoyment. We were thinking you might be able to help us out with a Dragon spell, a buddhist chant or … something to assist PBH to turn the Art Gowns models back to life.
        There’s time, as I still have drawings to do, and it’s a 3 part story. We hope you are in!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Awesome Resa! Count me in. This reads like an epic tale me and the Head Elves would love to participate in. We got Dragon spells and Buddha Belly chants saved up for just such an ocassion. Just let me know when you are ready and we’ll get our chant on. 😎🙏🏼🐲

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Will do! I will be working behind a passcode, and will send that when it’s time. I’m still drawing…Lol.
            This time PBH will go up against one of the top 10 global polluters: Coca-Cola, Nestlé, PepsiCo, Mondelez International, Unilever, Mars, P&G, Colgate-Palmolive, Phillip Morris, and Perfetti Van Melle.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. PBH is taking on the big boys and they need a good kick in their pants to get them straightened out with helping to save the planet, not destroy it. I’m definitely up for this one.

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  4. Looking forward to reading the rest, Daniel.

    The fact that the “wind chanted like Tibetan monks” certainly adds a sinister background to the bobcat scene.

    Because if Hell took up chanting, they’d sound somewhat like Tibetan monks.

    Especially as the monks blow through their human skull and human bone made musical instruments.

    A cacaphony that those in the West who are so impressed with the Dalai Lama are unaware.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. One does get a sense of foreboding with lumbering beasts, the chanting of Tibetan Monks, and the screech of a wildcat, not to mention the sudden disappearance of small rodents in the area. What is the secret to a lasting love if not born out of sorcery and alchemy of the ancient ones. Of course, it could all be coincidence but few in this small town will accept the town football hero dating a scrawny girl lacking proper female boobage. The other girls will viciously attack and the boys will spread rumors. But what is to be gained from such nefarious lies and subterfuge? Perhaps a future President is born from the sulphorous muck or the next generation of ANTIFA zombies.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Your descriptions of setting continues to be unparralled. Ok. Kara reminds Viktor…the wrestler, football player…uber male…of his little sparrow back home…perhaps he’s from the Ukraine…maybe Russian…I already imagine him looking like Drago in the Rocky films…and he protects her from thugs. This is not love yet, now he has a parasite attached to him!! Someone who NEEDS him, she’s grateful…but will it evolve from need into full-blown romance? Is there a difference in the female mind between the two? Has my relationship with Akira made me too cynical? Great birth of a story Hype…keep it going and dive deep into human psychology and the need to bond! Desperate Need. Love. Is there a difference. Only the magical Hype will explain!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dang Bro, I had no idea your work with nanites gave you mind reading abilities. Yes, Viktor is from the Ukraine Donetsk region hotly contested by the government of Ukraine and Russian supported Anarchists loyal to Russia. The atrocities are countless on both sides and there is no end in sight. In my city, many people from the Ukraine have immigrated to escape the violence. Their stories, like most conflicted areas of the world, is heart breaking and the U.S. has become a proxy to bring Ukraine into NATO and the EU over Putin’s strong and determined objections. But we zoom down to how world and personal lives blend and become bonded by the awful truths of their lives. Yes, love that lasts for lifetimes are forged in the fire of pain like welding steel where the weld is stronger than the materials thus joined. Let us see how this unlikely bonding proceeds and what is this bond if not the beginning of love, then bondage, obsession, desire over life?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Bro, we’ve already gone through the Vulcan mind meld. My next post will explore the psychopathy of mankind…and how it has shaped our history. Ukraine, Russia, Putin, Bass…they all fit the profile perfectly. More to come!! (“The beginning of love, bondage, obsession, desire…over life. Interesting progression, I must say!)

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Rene! I am thrilled to offer this short story to honor your poetry that always inspires me with such deep visions into the human heart and reminds me of my best memories of a past lived across continents and cultures. What a blessing it is to be a guest in the House of Heart. 🤗

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Rene! This is the story that came to me after reading your poem. Two people, each with a past, a life that draws them together into a relationship with bonds that bend but never break. To be together, there is no sin grave enough to break them apart. Kara, with her own pain of not fitting in will do anything to hold on to Viktor, even forgetting herself as Viktor pulls her into his past and into his life, all in the name of love. I’ll work on this and bring it back later. I and my cheeky Head Elves are indebted to your inspiration and support, for your exquisite poetry that creates such visions for us to write about. 🤗

      Liked by 2 people

            1. I think after falling off the beer wagon onto my head one too many times, my imagination took over my consciousness and when I read something that resonates, I see these stories evolve, even dream about them. I would see a doctor about it, but I enjoy it too much to seek a cure. With your help, I received more traffic than I have in a long time. Your poetry more than any others hits that resonance in me. You draw such spell binding images with your words.

              Liked by 1 person

                1. Resa just let me know she has another epic tale coming up so we’ll be working together on another caper soon. I’m so excited. We’ll all be inspired and it’s going to set a new bar for maximum awesomeness.

                  Liked by 1 person

                    1. It’s a crime fighting superhero group made in heaven. Where else can you defeat the evil Barons of inequity and still have fun while looking glamorous. And the after party is a whose who of Kool 😎😎😎😎😎

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