“I am not sure that I exist, actually. I am all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have met, all the women that I have loved; all the cities I have visited.” ― Jorge Luis Borges

So, who writes this stuff?

 

lil-dan
Argh Mommy, Thar be Dragons!

Well, I do – sort of. That’s me, Hyperion Sturm, AKA Daniel. I chose this picture to introduce myself and my writing. You see, this is the exact moment when I saw my first Dragon.  Scared the crap out of me. That’s why I don’t look happy. My mother is happy because, after a monumental struggle with my keen sense of fashion, she finally got me to wear that damn, stupid cap. Later, I figured it was the cap that scared the Dragon out from under the couch. My life was never the same after that.

new-image
The toothless Dragon

Every good writer has to start somewhere. Even us bad writers need to sit down and say, this is the day. Today is the day I write my first freakin’ disaster and get myself barred from the literary guild. I was no different. But first, I had to go to school. Here is a picture of me with no front teeth preparing to embark on the longest project of my life. Who knew it would take me decades to get educated so I could sit down and write my first freakin’ literary disaster. The fact my parents had defanged me was no coincidence. I was an aggressive Dragon by age 6.

 

During high School, I became enamored of Rock-n-Roll music and dreamed of being a teen-danRock Star. So, I joined the church choir. I didn’t say I was smart. Young Dragon Masters tend to screw up at first. We traveled around on a bus and sang wonderfully inspirational and uplifting songs to people. That just ruined my Rock Singer voice. It’s impossible to sing inspirational and uplifting songs with a gravel voice that sounds desperately constipated.

I had to give it all up. I went back to writing poetry using only curse words. That was a short career too after the teachers called my parents. Poets are rarely understood during their lifetimes, and my dad was determined my lifetime was going to be damn short if I didn’t stop writing naughty-boy poems at school.

danz-discovery

Later, I finally forced my way out of high school and made another critical error. I went to college. It was at college I discovered girls. The picture at left captures the moment I discovered that I loved that special girl I found. Things got out of hand quickly after that.

I also discovered that writing and girls were hard work that required one to know something about the subject. It was then I also discovered writing had rules too. Oh, merciful Buddha’s cousin! So many rules. There was grammar, punctuation, spelling, content and context. I gave up.

Another thing that I discovered in my budding career as a junk writer was you can become a parent, a husband, and remain a fastidious idiot. I poured my life into being the best dad I could be. Right away I taught my son how to fart in an elevator and pick his nose. These are life skills that every man needs to know. We practiced with glorious abandonment. My poor wife caught hell because I was very much into her too. As much as possible, actually. There was no time to write anything, not even Christmas cards.dad-dan

One of my most significant non-writing life lessons I learned was parenting required lots daddyrat2of money and things like houses, food, electricity and diapers. We needed a lot more diaper wipes than I ever imagined. That stuff costs money. Naturally, the economy would tank into the deepest well of poverty, and I joined the Army because I still hadn’t become smart yet. I wasn’t rich either. I’m smiling in my Army picture because it’s bitterly cold outside and I’m in my command vehicle where it’s warm, and there is coffee. Lots of coffee. The Army doesn’t go anywhere without it. It certainly left without my wife. She had enough. Now I was not smart and not married either. That’s a dangerous combination and I write about that too.

willy-nilly-hawaiiNext, I became an Analyst because it’s freakin’ cool. Almost as cool as being a Rock Star. I had to prostitute myself for the greater good of humankind, which I enjoyed. I was just your average joe asking honest questions and got my picture taken a lot with people of interest. I was the first to discover that coconuts can hide the most interesting secrets. Once the secret was out, I decided it was time to write about it.

Later still, I quit all the skullduggery and nefarious elevator shenanigans and became a distinguished man of science. I was allowed to be the nerd  I always wanted to be, and I wrote lots of scientific papers along with charts, graphs, tables, and computations. Lots of computation. I wore all the numbers off my calculator, but I was unperturbed. I calculated regardless although my results were sometimes a bit odd.

It was during my stint as a scientist that I found out nobody had a damn clue what I wasdan writing about. Quantum entanglements and artificial intelligence just weren’t romantic. Romance is where it’s at, they said. When I discovered that romance is written by women for women, I didn’t think I was qualified.

Once again, I delayed my entry into the wonderful world of literary genius. This delay was because I was still an idiot and literary genius was too far out of reach. No worries, I said. I’ll study hard, and it will come to me. It did finally in 2014 when I quit being an industrious and productive person to write full time.

Unholy Frankenstein’s Aunt Kraken! I had no idea where to start. What would I write about? No clue. Nada. Zero. Zippo. I was doomed. A writer with all the time in the world and I was without words. I tried writing poetry using only curse words since I had previous experience. It didn’t catch on; probably because I never published those poems.

willy-nillyAnd then like a miracle, the Dragons whispered in my ear. The Dragons of my youth returned. They came to me in my dreams. Dragons sat at the table and drank coffee with me. I barred them from the bathroom. That was just a wee bit too invasive. The result was Return of Dragons where I found a way to tell you about my life without mentioning myself one time.

This story is about people loved and lost. It’s also about Brothers and Sisters in arms that paid the way with every last drop of their blood. It’s about getting to the one thing that will save the world after the fighting is done. Love. Love one another. Sing a joyous song in your loved one’s heart and don’t look back. Just keep in mind, nothing is ever as it appears to be. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Thank you for reading.

With Love,

Daniel

P.S. I went back to work because I like it. My poor mother. If she were alive, she’d smack that butt if she knew I was still acting like an idiot.

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44 thoughts on “Meet the Dragon Master

  1. Third time I think I’m reading this. This time it was different. I feel like I needed to come back. I giggled several times, most prominently at expert nose picking, secret coconuts and your mum giving you a good spanking for being “a very naughty boy” . Monty python- couldn’t resist.
    Also I very much enjoyed your chit chat with the Dragons, to whom I am quite literally eternally grateful. I see past your cheeky bravado and know that that was a huge moment that you covered in silliness icing.
    What else… couldn’t possibly adore you any more and yet…I do.
    Okay, I’m shushing and smiling at you from behind my very ornate fan.
    😉😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Lauren! I didn’t know you hadn’t seen my bio. It could use a little updating but now readers know to never take me seriously. Yes, I have deleted all my ties to social media except my WordPress blog. I loved your interview with Jack. What a rich reference to all things noir. I didnt comment because I remembered the angst all of us bloviators cause you. It looked like you had reached your limit already. Still loved it, tho.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I swear I’ve looked at your About page before. This was quite a while ago but I don’t recall any of this and it’s bugging me a little bit. Loving all the old photos.

        Congrats on being free! I take a break from time to time. And thanks I’m glad you enjoyed that interview. One of my lengthier posts as of late. I’d really like to explore that genre more with my writing.

        And yes, Ogden wins the award there. 😉 I hate to make you feel like you shouldn’t comment, I just feel bad not replying until a week later sometimes if it’s a longer one – and not reciprocating with an equally lengthy one.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Ha ha ha! I guess as long as you remain your awesome self you are going to get comments of epic proportion. I’m going to quiten my inner noise makers and force my head elves to focus on the glory of silence, solitude, and the search for yggdrasil. Going to colorado this year with better legs and then on to Norway to see if I can find a place to set up a hermit kingdom on a little parcel of land.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Ahh I’m so glad you can finally make it out to glorious Colorado since it didn’t work out previously. And Norway?! Your viking roots will love that. Sadly my first trip to Europe (to Switzlerland) will need to be postponed another year until my friend and I can catch up financially and she graduates from nursing school.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Yeppir Buddy! Colorado is a warmup for Norway. They have a pilgrimage trail that ends at the great cathedral in Trondheim. I’m growing my viking beard now and hair so everything will be ready with an electric blue braid. Gotta get my silver Thor’s Hammer and tunic and be ready to pilgrim my way from mead hall to mead hall. I think Switzerland is a worthy trek and definitely worth the wait to be ready for it.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. A good friend of mine is taking his son backpacking in Colorado this July. He’s been reading a book on hiking and just learned the different ways he can get by without toilet paper! 😀

                You will look glorious for your trip! Gotta start pumping some mega iron, too.

                I’m also ready for that Swiss chocolate.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. LOL 😂 you gotta love hiking with options. That’s complete zen to avoid leaving a paper trail and staying energized with Swiss chocolate. And building those viking shield and axe muscles is hard work, whew! 🤠

                  Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha! Well, this is closer to the real me. I always managed to find time for fun sprinkled with a little silliness for good measure. Ole wee Willy Nilly is never far from my side. 😄

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  2. Beautiful. Funny. Emotional.That’s you Daniel! It’s always a pleasure to read you. And now readying your autobiography I have the feeling that I know you for years. It’s like you told us these personal things about you while we all had a cup of coffee, and instead sugar you gave us some cool pictures of you.
    Pleased to meet the real you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so glad you liked it, Alina. I feel the same, and my Romanian roots always come alive when I see your pictures, they are like connections to a past I never knew. I was convinced to come out of the shadows and show myself and since then, I’ve enjoyed meeting friends over virtual coffee and sharing thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams. It connects us all in a wonderful way. I hope to visit with you again soon. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s a great mini autobiography Daniel! Really witty and funny, something Mark Twain would have written:) I really enjoyed reading it, and the photos you chose go really well with the story line! By the way, your mom looks beautiful in that photo, such a great photo. And after everything that happened in your life you still look happy in every photo, with a spark in the eyes, keep it up!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww! Big Dragon hugs and thank you, Natasha. I like Mark Twain’s humor and certainly appreciate the reference to him. And thank you for the compliment to my mother. She was only 16 when my brother was born and 19 in the picture with me, her little dragon. She was perfect in my eyes and I loved her dearly. She was strict and she believed her children should do the right things the right way at the right time. She was never wrong in her effort to raise me. Of course, I thought it was mean not to let me eat a whole bag of chocolate chip cookies without sharing. So there were those moments when her iron will won the day against my very strong desire otherwise. And you are very intuitive to notice that it is true, my light dimmed but never went out. My head elves have learned to carry a flashlight. 😂. And thank you also for inspiring me to do it. I wasn’t at all sure that as soon as I lifted the veil that everyone would not scream and run away. 😳🐉🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻

      Liked by 1 person

                    1. Oh, thank you, Natasha! That means a lot since Dragon Stories have become popular with Game of Thrones bringing the subject to light. I wondered if the title wouldn’t get lost in all that Dragon mayhem. Of course, my Dragons are a bit different. 😉

                      Like

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